Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
