my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
