I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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