I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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