He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
