Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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