You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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