once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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