You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
