I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
