I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
