I think my vagina is haunted
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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