You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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