So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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