I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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