Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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