I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Damn victory sex feels great
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