suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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