The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
