So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
