Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
