I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize