My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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