On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well you can't waste a boner
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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