WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Michael Bay diarrhea
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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