News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
