peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
