First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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