you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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