Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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