maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
