I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
