just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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