OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
