I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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