I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
