he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
