Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
