Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize