Can i not drive my cunt home
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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