Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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