i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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