Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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