Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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