OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
