So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
