wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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