successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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