my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
