I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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