Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
