I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
