The maid of honor just puked.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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