CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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