They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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