Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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