I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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