can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
