I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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