My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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