Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
